A Letter to Loverboy362

'Meri' writes:

Is this the handle of Joran van der Sloot? I have been told that in Holland, the term "Loverboy" refers to someone who procures girls or is a "pimp". I am not Dutch nor do I speak Dutch but I understand a little of it and I believe that the term is an accurate depiction of what the user of Loverboy362 means to convey.

Well, Loverboy362, I have some questions for you.

Have you procured girls for yourself, your friends or for the use of others? What do you do with these girls? Do any of them suddenly disappear never to be seen or heard from again? Do you leave them on a beach alone, possibly impaired and unable to care for themselves? Do you take them back to your nice little apartment for fun and games...or something more sinister?

You are willing to go on a television show and tell the entire world of your innocence but you didn't do that from the beginning, did you loverboy? You implicated two innocent men and made up a bunch of stories first so how are we supposed to believe you now?

Tell us the truth loverboy. Tell us what REALLY happened between you and that girl you supposedly left on the beach and who was never seen or heard from again.

Perhaps you can write a book about it or make it a movie of the week.....will you include the truth then?

You can run loverboy but you cannot hide and there are those of us out here who won't let you forget about that girl who disappeared and never was seen or heard from again. Believe me loverboy, that's a promise.

No amount of television interviews with your big puppy-dog eyes misting over will make us forget about that girl. No amount of tears on your part or words of supposed remorse for not being a gentleman will make us forget.

We are getting closer loverboy...oh so much closer to knowing what you won't be saying on ABC.

When we make an appearance on some national news show we will have the truth loverboy and you won't recognize it as anything that you have spoken on the record. But, you WILL recognize it for what it is...because you know the truth don't you loverboy?

It'll be a shame that we get to tell it before you ever will...but that's the way that you want to play out your hand and this is the path that you have chosen for yourself.

I'll call you and raise you one Loverboy.....do you want a hit or do you want to fold?

The choice is only yours for a little while longer so think it over carefully.



'Loverboy' sounds like a perfect prison nickname for Joran, doesn't it? It might be the only way he ever has any empathy for his past victims....

Edit: looks like Joran has another theme song- this one courtesy of my friend Richard in Vermont (to the tune of the Beatles, "A Little Help from my Friends":

Joran: What would you do if I let someone die,

would you speak up and turn against me?

Friends: Hell, no, we won't, even though you're a dope,

'cause who cares about poor Natalee?

(chorus) Oh, we get by with a little help from our friends....

Joran: I sing a different song every day ...

do you ever get tired of me?

Friends: Fool on the hill someday will take a spill,

but at least you're not buried at sea.

(chorus) Oh, we get by ....

Joran: You can be sure that my daddy knows best,

when he says "No body means no crime."

Friends: You and your daddy are one and the same,

just two way-overprivileged slime.

(chorus) Oh, we get by ....